Archives for: December 2008
on Conspiracies
"One of the reasons for conspiracy theories is an assumption that people in high places always know what they are doing. When they do something that makes no sense, devious reasons are imagined by conspiracy theorists, when in fact it may be due to plain old ignorance and incompetence."
-Thomas Sowell
(1930- ) Writer and economist
So... the Latest News from Down on the Farm...
It seems that eggs do indeed freeze. I had been wondering about that.
*Note to self: collect eggs earlier in the day, most especially during periods of subzero temperatures.
It's quite a different experience to crack open a semi-solid egg and have to scoop it out of the shell. Or to have a solid egg, like a hardboiled egg, yet still raw.
I fried them up. They came out fairly close to normal. There was a different texture in parts... especially the yolk, more of a quiche or scrambled egg texture. But it tasted about the same.
Search terms are hilarious... Part 2 - AKA 'Google Feedback Loop'
Ok, well it's time to post another one of these... they're fun. There's also a feedback loop here that I find amusing. Google must love me. Oh, and my apologies, if you just searched Google and came here expecting to get a real answer. You should realize that someone else did the same thing at some point in the past and now we're laughing at them. And, now that you're here, in the future, we could be laughing at you!
*Note that any spelling errors, punctuation errors, or general stupidity in these search terms is the fault of someone else, and not me.
gluteus maximus pain after sitting in car a long timeWould this be from something kinda kewl like a stakeout, or were you just stalking your ex-girlfriend again?
WHAT DOES YOUR gluteus maximus look likeHah! Wouldn't you like to know! Freak.
can i disable a speaker in the mall where i work quicklyYou sound suspicious. Actually, you sound kinda fun too.
how to grow a bigger gluteus maximusDon't they have a pill for that?
rants about jury duty and serving hasslesHey! Go make your own, buddy! Don't be trying to steal them from others!
too stupid to avoid jury dutyWas that a self-description? This isn't a self-help site, dude.
gluteous men exercise (videos)I'm sorry. You need professional help. And, thanks to you, there are many people on the internets who now also need help because they saw this and had many disturbing images flash through their minds.
what can i say to make sure i don't get chosen for jury dutyAnything at least semi-crazy ought to work just fine. Can you drool creatively? Can you constantly keep brushing those freaking feathers off yourself while looking to see where they are coming from? How about lashing out violently at the spirits that constantly mock you?
excused from jury duty for depressionI'm sorry... they obviously thought that you needed to go home and close all the curtains and contemplate your sad life while surfing the internet.
jury duty how many times can missYou can miss 17 times, but whooooo!, on the 18th, you're going to jail, buddy! What? Isn't that what you discovered by googling this phrase?
consequences for not going to jury dutyFinally! A practical use for the internet! Finding out first what the consequences are for not going. Way to use the internet, dude!
how to disqualify yourself from jury dutyTry to wet yourself in the first 10 minutes and leave a rather large puddle... and then wet yourself again in 30 minutes. That should do it. (Remember to drink lots of water.)
avoiding jury dutyThere we go, right to the point. Next time, put '[Your Name] is avoiding jury duty', so we can tell who you are. And maybe we'll also call you up and shout 'JUROR DODGEE!' when we're bored.
how to use jury nullification to get out of jury duty*smack* Bad! Now, go sit next to the lawyers!
what does a gluteus maximus do for usApparently nothing! Who would have thought! You can just amputate yours. It'll save you some weight too.
pain in my Gluteus maximusYou should work harder to avoid the person causing this.
gluteus maximus seizureHint: Don't do this to that pretty woman you just met... they hate that.
gluteus maximus wifiWow... sitting at the Starbucks takes on a whole new meaning!
product to get a big gluteusI recommend: Dastardly Dan's Miracle Grow Tonic. Only $29.95 for a three month supply!
definition of the gluteus maximus in turms kids would understandOh, I assure you. The kids already understand it. But, apparently, there seems to be something that you're not quite grasping...
jury duty a duty or painOh! Wow! A multiple choice question in a search term! ... Oh boy, this is a hard one!
gluteus pain at nightLet me spell it out for you... try to remember to put all your Hot Wheels cars away before you go to bed.
Nuking The Fridge
So, I'm sure that everyone is familiar with the fiasco known as "Indiana Jones: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", so this shouldn't result in any spoilers.
We watched the film a number of weeks ago and were aghast at the goofs that made it impossible to suspend belief enough to really enjoy the movie. George Lucas has definitely lost whatever storytelling ability that he might have had. And, from the interviews on the DVD, it seems that Steven Spielberg was apparently the lone voice of reason and helped tone down some of the more ridiculous aspects of the film, but couldn't kill off every stupid Lucas idea.
Now it's not just the Nuking of the Fridge that was the problem. I had to pause the movie and rant for a few minutes very early into the movie when they were using 'magnetic' gun powder and "magnetic" lead shot to find the chest in the warehouse. I don't know if the problem is that Hollywood movie people are just so disconnected from the scary guns that they fear, that they just have no idea how they work in the real world, or, if they think that Americans just won't notice or care? I lean toward the former option.
Hollywood Movie Director: "And so, the bad guys here just start firing with their AKs, as the good guys come running by to get the girls."
Outside Consultant (former soldier): "So the good guys are moving from cover to cover as the bad guys are reloading?"
Movie Director: "What?! No! An AK is an assault weapon! It's a machine gun! You don't have to reload them."
So while that and the fridge nuking were bad enough, the main thing that totally ruined the movie for me, besides the aliens, was just that it wasn't actually an Indiana Jones movie - sure it had Harrison Ford, and the whip, but all the cool archeology stuff and traps and puzzles and all that which makes Indiana Jones different from the latest action flick, weren't there. It seems that in order to do all the kewl action scenes, they had to cut more of the slow, suspenseful, dashing archeology stuff. In one scene, Indy holds back Mutt with a warning as they are inside a tomb looking for stuff... but then nothing actually happens and they solve the puzzle in 30 seconds, and are in and out in under 2 minutes.
So my conclusion is... this supposed Indiana Jones IV is definitely not part of the canon. Obviously, some people got a bit mixed up in the studio's labeling department. This movie was supposed to be something like Firewall 2. With aliens. Or something. Ok, maybe we'll go with "Shanghai Conquistadores", but bad, without Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson.
"I Must Study Politics and War..."
"I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain." --John Adams, Letter to Abigail Adams, May 12, 1780.


















